Twisted Twilight: Extra Stuff
by Mike the Bus Driver
Summary: Mike the Bus Driver and Renesme as a rebellious teen? This and more! *To understand Mike better- he isn't, after all, in the books- read Twisted Twilight and check out Mike's profile at http://twistedtwilight./meetthecharacters.htm
1. Renesme as a teen?

** Nessie has joined the teen population at last. This isn't finished, obviously, because we were just goofing off. That, and it was in an email chain on facebook, and our other friends were getting annoyed at us for filling up their inboxes. But I thought I'd post it anyways. We don't get much of Nessie anywhere else.**

K-  
You know Edward would totally sit on the fuzzy pink panda chair in Nessie's room room to make sure she doesn't die in her sleep

M-  
Then she'd be like I'M NOT THREE ANYMORE!

K-  
IT'S OUT OF LOVE, SWEETIE! DADDY LOVES YOU!

M-  
DAD, CUT IT OUT! I'M NOT A BABY!

K-  
YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY BABY, HONEY!  
Oh an you know he has embarrassing nicknames for her too, like pookiebear or something.

M-  
And if she forgot her lunch money one day, he'd show up wearing tee-shirts that say things like 'I Heart Nessie' or 'Worlds best Dad'.

K-  
Hahaha and they'd have all her baby pictures on them! He probably even has a snuggie with her face on it too.  
No, I can totally see Nessie being a rebellious teen when she grows up.

M-  
And he'd be like BUT DARLING, I LOVE YO!!! GIVE ME A HUG! DADDY LOVES YOU!

K-  
She'd be like NO DAD, I AM NOT YOUR 'BOOGER BUTT'! LEAVE ME ALONE! *slams the door and calls Violet* Hey gurlll heyyy! You wanna go out tonight?? LETS PARTAYYY!

M-  
And he'd look at her and be like MUST YOU WEAR THOSE PROVOCATIVE CLOTHES!?!?!? I MUST INSIST THAT YOU CHANGE AT ONCE!

K-  
NO, DAD! JACOB LOVES THESE CLOTHES! UGH! YOU'RE JUST SO NOT COOL WITH THE TRENDS! GET OUTTA MY GRIL!  
And Edward would like make her wear baggy turtlenecks everyday.

M-  
And layers of clothes and she'd be like I AM 17 YEARS OLD! I CAN WEAR WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT!

K-  
And then he would wrap her up in bubble wrap. THE WORLD ISN'T SAFE, SUGARPLUM! THERE ARE PERVERTS WAITING TO VICTIMIZE INNOCENT GIRLS LIKE YOU!

M-  
Then she'd be like F*** OFF DAD! I'M LEAVING!

K-  
OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!! YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY! IF YOU TAKE ANOTHER STEP OUT THAT DOOR YOU ARE SO GROUNDED! SUCH LANGUAGE! NO RESPECT! NONE!

M-  
~leaves with Jacob~  
GOODBYE FATHER! YOU EFFING **** ~has spent too much time with Emmett~

K-  
RENESME CARLIE CULLEN! YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITH THAT DOG!  
JACOB, SHE CANNOT GO OUT TONIGHT! OR ANY OTHER NIGHT THIS WEEK! THIS IS FINAL! SUCH DISRESPECT!

M-  
~has already left~

K-  
~is ranting to Bella~ AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT SHE SAID NEXT! MY EARS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!  
WHERE DID I GO WRONG? I AM A HORRIBLE FATHER! A MONSTER!!!  
SHE USED TO BE A SWEET LITTLE GIRL, BELLA! THERE IS NO OTHER EXPLANATION! I HAVE TAINTED HER WITH THE MONSTER WITHIN!  
SHE HATES ME! THOUGH I CANNOT BLAME HER FOR HATING A MONSTER!

M-  
And then she'd come home like hours later and go directly to her room and talk to Jacob for hours.

K-  
And Edward would totally kick him out. Literally.  
YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS HERE! THIS YOUNG LADY HAS VIOLATED HER 6:30 pm CURFEW! SHE IS GROUNDED! INDEFINITELY!

M-  
Then she'd like push him out the door and lock it.

K-  
And then Edward would just climb in through the window and try to hug her  
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!!!

M-  
and then she'd be like DAD YOU RUINED THE MOMENT! GET OUT!

K-  
NO! I AM NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU LOVE ME AGAIN! WHY MUST YOU BREAK MY HEART SO, NESSIE-POO?  
IS IT BECAUSE I AM A MONSTER?  
I WILL TRY HARDER, SWEETIE! DADDY LOVES YOU!

M-  
Then she'd leave with Jacob again.

K-  
NOOOOOO!!! COME BACK!!! I CAN'T LOSE MY ONLY CHILD! I LOVE YOU!!!  
~has a breakdown in the middle of her girlishly pink room that he and Alice obviously decorated for her~  
NESSIE!!! NESSSSSIEEEEEE!!!!  
WHY???? I LOVE YOU!!! COME BACK! COME BACKKKKKK!!!!!!!

M-  
Then she wouldn't turn up for days...

K-  
He would like curl up into the fetal position the whole time she was gone, too. Rocking back and forth and sucking his thumb. And mumbling.  
'It's all my fault. My fault! All my fault!'  
And Emmett would like beat him up.

M-  
You so know he would!!!  
BE A MAN, EDWARD! MAN UP!

K-  
And Edward would be too far gone to care.  
And you know Esme would be flipping out over the whole thing too.  
EDWARD! IT'S ONLY A PHASE! SAY SOMETHING, SWEETIE!  
(EDWARD:) my... fault....


	2. We love MIKE!

**Edward and Mike, Besties for life.**  
Mike is based on my real life bus driver. M doesn't technically ride my bus but she has been on it enough to get to know Mike.  
Unfortunately, our friends were getting sick of our little email chain and we had to bring it to an abrupt end. If anyone was wondering who Edward was referring to in the last entry, it was in fact our very own lunch lady.  
Anyways, this is merely a caricature of Mike, and we do not mean any harm. Mike, we love your miserableness. We could not survive without your shiny bald head as a beacon of despair. Much love!  
**~K**

K-  
THE ROOF! THE ROOF! THE ROOF IS ON FIREEEE!

M-  
NOT LITERALLY, CAUSE THAT WOULD SUCKKKK!!!

K-  
YES! YES! YES IT WOULD!

M-  
AND THEN MIKE THE BUS DRIVER WOULD BE THERE BLAMING IT ON "THOSE DAMN KIDS!!"

K-  
THOSE DAMN HOOLIGANS ALWAYS RUIN MY LIFE! NO RESPECT!

M-  
'THOSE DAMN HOOLIGANS ARE ALWAYS RUNNING WILD!!! AND THERE'S THIS ONE GIRL WHO SHOWS UP 5 SECONDS LATE!!! 5 SECONDS!!! THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!!"

K-  
TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE! AND THOSE DAMN KIDS WHO DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE BUS STOP! I WILL REFUSE TO BE THEIR SOURCE OF TRANSPORTATION THIS MORNING, EVEN IF THEY HAVE NO OTHER WAY OF GETTING TO SCHOOL! AND I SENSE TOO MUCH FUN IN THE BACK! THEREFORE I SHALL TURN OFF THE RADIO WHICH IS ACTUALLY PLAYING A GOOD SONG FOR ONCE!!! NOM NOM NOM!!!!

M-  
"AND GODAMNIT, WHO KEEPS LAUGHING AT MY MOUTH AND HOW IT IS SHAPED!?!?!?!?!?! I CANNOT HELP THE FACT THAT I AM FROWNING FOR LIFE!!! ACCAPT ME FOR WHO I AM DAMNIT!! YOU MEDDLING KIDS!!!!! NO RESPECT!!! NO RESPECT FOR YOUR FELLOW BUS DRIVER WHO STRIVES TO HIT KIDS AND MISSES STOP SIGNS!!!"  
K-  
I LOATH THOSE DAMN KIDS! THEY MAKE MESSES OUT OF EVERYTHING! THIS BUS IS MY CHICK MACHINE! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PICK UP HOT BABES WITH A MESSY BUSS, DAMNIT??

M-  
"I CAN'T, NOW CAN I!?!??!? HOW WILL I EVER BE MARRIED WHEN I HAVE A MESSY BUS, AND CRAZY KIDS LIKE YOU!? GET OFF MY DAMN BUS!! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO RIDE ON MY BUS ANYMORE!! I'M GETTING TONY!!! TONYYYYY!!!???!!??!?!?!?"

K-  
Tony: Ahh those are good kids. You guys can go...  
Mike: NOM NOM NOM!!! EVIL HOODLUMS! DAMN KIDS!! RAWR!!!  
*mike looses it*

M-  
Tony: THESE ARE GOOD KIDS!!! GET OVER IT!!!  
Mike: NOM NOM NOMMMm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~EATS HIS HEAD~

K-  
*RUNS EVERY STOP SIGN IN NISKAYUNA BECAUSE THAT'S HOW HE ROLLS* THOSE DAMN KIDS! NOW I HAVE TO GO PICK UP ELEMENTARY SCHOOLERS! THOSE DAMN KIDS WHO KEEP SINGING WHEELS ON THE BUS DRIVE ME FRIGGIN CRAZY!!!! NOM NOM NOM!!!

M-  
"AND THESE STUPID HIGH SCHOOL KIDS WITH THEIR CRAZY RAP AND THEIR 'WUD YOU KNOW 'BOUT ME!?!?!?!?! WUD YOU WUD YOU KNOW!?!?!?" ~does weird arm movements~

K-  
WHAT DO THEY KNOW ABOUT MY LIPGLOSS, HUH? MY LIPGLOSS BE COOL, MY LIPGLOSS BE POPPIN! THOSE DAMN KIDS DON'T UNDERSTAND THE ART OF FINE LIPGLOSS! HOOLIGANS!!!

M-  
~starts to put lip gloss all over his mouth, but misses and goes all over his cheek~ "LOOK IT WHAT YOU DAMN KIDS DID NOW!?!?!?! YOU MADE ME MISS MY MOUTH!!! SUCH SAVAGES!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET DATES, LOOKING LIKE A SAVAGE!?"

K-  
MY BUS ISN'T A CHICK MAGNET IF I LOOK LIKE A STICKY LIPGLOSS HOBO! WHERE DID THOSE DAMN KIDS PUT MY PAPER TOWELS???

M-  
"NO, THEY ARE NOT USED FOR TOLIET PAPER!! STOP MOONING ME!!! HOLLIGANS!!! NO RESPECT!! NONE!! I AM YOUR BUS DRIVER, AND I CAN TURN THIS BUS AROUND AND SEND YOU STRAIGHT HOME!!! JUST DARE ME!!!"

K-  
WAIT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DARE ME! I'LL DO IT ANYWAYS BECAUSE I GAIN JOY FROM YOUR DISPLEASURE! I FEED OFF OF YOUR DESPAIR! DAMN KIDS!

M-  
~ he drives back to the kids houses and pushes them out and nearly runs over like 15 people~ "DAMN THE WORLD!!! DAMN KIDS!! I JUST WANTED TO BE A FAMOUS ACTOR, BUT I WAS REJECTED!!! THEY SAID I WAS TOO BALD AND TOO UGLY!!! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!!?!?!?!"

K-  
I THINK MY RECEDING HAIRLINE IS QUITE CHARMING! AND MY SO CALLED UGLINESS IS ENDEARING!  
WHO'S LAUGHING BACK THERE? I'M GONNA GET YOU, YOU DAMN KIDS!

M-  
"I THINK I LOOK RATHER APPEALING TO THE EYE, ME BEING BALD!!! I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS LIFESTYLE!! IT WAS BESTOWED ON ME!!! YES, I THINK I AM THE "SHIZNET." WHATEVER THAT MAY MEAN!"

K-  
WHY NO, I DO NOT FIND THAT THIS MAKES ME IN THE LEAST BIT ARROGANT OR CONCEITED. THOSE DAMN KIDS JUST DON'T APPRECIATE MY 'MAD SKILLZ'!

M-  
"NO RESPECT!!! HAVE YOU NOT HEARD THE SONG!?!?!? 'R-E-S-P-E-C-T!! FINDS OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME!!' NO!! STOP SINGING!! ONLY I CAN SING!! (~even though I'm sure his voice would sound like CRAP~) I COULD HAVE MADE IT BIG WITH MY VOICE TOO!!! THEY WERE JUST LOOKING FOR 'YOUNGER THINGS.' LIKE THE ONES THAT SHAKE THEIR GLUTES IN FRONT OF CAMERAS!!! I SAY, THAT IS UNHEARD OF!!!"

K-  
QUITE DESPICABLE BEHAVIOR AMONG THESE YOUNG HOODLUMS! YOU DAMN KIDS BETTER NOT GET ANY IDEAS!

M-  
"MY VOICE IS VELVET!!! VELVET!!! SO ALL YOU DAMN KIDS CAN JUST GO TO HELL!! YOU HEARD ME!! WHAT'S THAT!?!? OH, YOU'RE GOING TO SUE ME??!!? I'M GOING TO SUE YOU!!! HAVE REPECT FOR YOUR BUS DRIVER AND SIT DOWN! SIT DOWN OR ELSE!! DON'T MAKE ME START SINGING AGAIN, BECAUSE I WILL!!"

K-  
TONY? WHERE'S TONY! YOU DAMN KIDS ARE IN FOR IT NOW! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR STANDING UP ON MY BUS! YOU'RE JUST LUCKY THAT I DIDN'T RUN YOU OVER! LIKE I ALMOST DID TO THAT FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT!

M-  
"TONY!!! TONY!?!?!?! THE KIDS ARE GETTING OUT OF HAND AGAIN!! THAT'S THE 10TH TIME THIS WEEK!!! YOU CHILDREN ARE JUST UNCONTROLLABLE!!! DO YOU BEHAVE LIKE THIS AT YOUR HOUSE!?!?!?"

K-  
YOU DO? OH MY WORD! YOUR POOR PARENTS! OH, WAIT, IT'S PROBABLY THEIR FAULT THAT YOU TURNED OUT TO BE A BUNCH OF CRAZY KIDS! THOSE DAMN PARENTS!

M-  
"THOSE DAMN PARENTS JUST HAD TO CONCEIVE YOU AND MAKE YOU THIS WAY!! THOSE DAMN PARENTS!! (~even though they're paying him with their tax money...~) THEY DON'T THINK ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE'S FEELINGS!!"

K-  
NO ONE ELSE'S FEELINGS ARE LEGITIMATE EXCEPT FOR MY OWN! I AM THE SINGULAR MOST IMPORTANT BEING ON THIS PLANET!!! NOM NOM NOM!

M-  
~hits some kid on the side of the head~ "YOU'RE LATE AGAIN!!! UNACCEPTABLE!! WE SHALL TALK ABOUT THIS LATER. SIT DOWN BEFORE I MAKE YOU SIT DOWN!! YOU STUPID LEECHERS!!! YOU DAMN KIDS!!"

M-  
Oh, and you sooo know that Edward and him would be tight.

K-  
Oh yeah. Edward would be all like MIKE, I HEAR YOU BUDDY! MY BROTHERS ARE ALWAYS MAKING A MESS OF THINGS! I SPEND 8 HOURS A DAY METICULOUSLY SCRUBBING OUT EACH BATHROOM! APPARENTLY THEY THINK WE ARE ANIMALS AND LIVE ACCORDINGLY!

M-  
EDWARD, I HEAR YOU!!! THESE DAMN KIDS DON'T CLEAN UP THEY'RE MESSES!!! I AM THE ONE WHO CLEANS UP THOSE DAMN MESSES!!! I TOLD THEM NOT TO DRINK AND EAT ON THE BUS, BUT DO THEY LISTEN!?!?!? NOOOOO!!! NO RESPECT!!

K-  
(EDWARD:) NO RESPECT! NONE! WHEN WILL PEOPLE REALIZE HOW MUCH BETTER LIFE WOULD BE IF THEY FOLLOWED RULES???

M-  
THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND IT!!! THEY ACT LIKE SAVAGES, 24/7!!! WE MUST TALK MORE EDWARD AND RANT ABOUT OUR LIVES!!

K-  
(EDWARD:) WE MUST! JUST THE OTHER DAY I WAS CLEANING AND MY DARN BROTHER CAME IN AND TRACKED MUD ALL OVER THE WHITE CARPET. I WOULD HAVE DIED RIGHT THEN AND THERE IF I COULD!

M-  
EMMETT: ~comes in and attacks Edward and then leaves~  
Mike the bus driver: OH, WHAT A HOLLIGAN!! NO REPECT FOR YOU EDWARD!! NONE!! MY WORD!!

K-  
(EDWARD:) ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT! AND DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME WHEN HE STOLE MY STICKERS? THEY WERE FOR MY DAUGHTER, MIKE!  
OH, YOU SIMPLY MUST MEET MY DAUGHTER, MIKE! SHE IS ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL! NOT AT ALL LIKE HER UNCLE! *pulls out wallet with 100 pictures of Renesme in it*

M-  
Emmett: ~comes back and lights the pictures on fire and disappears into the abyss~  
Mike: HONESTLY, HOW ANNOYING!! I FEEL FOR YOU EDWARD. I REALLY DO!!

K-  
(EDWARD:) NO!!! THAT WAS THE ONLY COPY OF THAT PICTURE I HAD, EMMETT! I HAVE JUST LOST AN IMPORTANT DOCUMENT OF MY DAUGHTER'S PRECIOUS LIFE!! MIKE, YOU ARE SO LUCKY YOU DO NOT HAVE SIBLINGS! COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, FRIEND!

M-  
(MIKE:) I DO BUT THEY'RE ALL AFRAID OF ME BECAUSE OF MY UGLINESS. THAT'S WHY THEY STAY AWAY. AM I HONESTLY THAT HIDEOUS LOOKING, EDWARD!?

K-  
(EDWARD:) OF COURSE NOT, MY DEAR FELLOW! YOUR BALD HEAD SHINES WITH ALL THE RADIANCE OF THE SUN!

M-  
(MIKE:) I'M SO GLAD THAT SOMEBODY APPRECIATES MY BALDNESS!! I FIND IT ATTRACTIVE, I REALLY DO!! I THINK IT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL AND IT MATCHES MY PERMANENT FROWNY FACE.

K-  
(EDWARD:) AND YOUR RECEDING HAIRLINE REALLY BRINGS OUT YOUR EYES! OH, YOU MUST MEET MY SISTER ALICE, SHE WOULD DO SUCH WONDERS WITH YOUR WARDROBE! THEN YOU WOULDN'T NEED THIS CHICK MAGNET OF A BUS! YOU'D BE QUITE THE STUD, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF!

M-  
(MIKE:) YES, YES I THINK I WOULD LIKE THAT!!! A SISTER, YOU SAY? HOW ABOUT YOUR MOTHER?? IS SHE SINGLE? I SHALL LIKE TO MEET HER IF YOU DON'T MIND.

K-  
(EDWARD:) I SYMPATHIZE, FRIEND, BUT ALL MY FEMALE FAMILY MEMBERS ARE IN LOVE! OH, BUT YOU SHOULD MEET MY FATHER AND BROTHER IN LAW AS WELL! THEY ARE NOT AT ALL LIKE MY BROTHER! I'M SURE YOU WOULD LIKE THEM! YOU AND JASPER COULD TRADE HAIR TIPS!

M-  
(MIKE:) THAT WOULD BE SPLENDID!! MAYBE IF I GET A DATE, WE ALL COULD GO ON A BIG OUTING. OH, WOULD THAT NOT BE FUN!?

K-  
(EDWARD:) YES! OH MY WORD, WE'D HAVE LIKE A QUADRUPLE DATE! WHAT FUN!

M-  
(MIKE:) THAT WOULD BE SPLENDID!! EDWARD, EW MUST MAKE THIS HAPPEN!!

K-  
(EDWARD:) ABSOLUTELY! DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU WOULD LIKE TO TAKE?

M-  
(MIKE:) NO! THOSE DAMN KIDS TAKE UP THE PERCENTAGE OF MY DAY, SO I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY THAT WOULD LIKE TO ENJOY MY COMPANY. I WISH THERE WAS. THOSE DAMN KIDS ARE MAKING ME ANGRY, I WANT TO RETIRE.

K-  
(EDWARD:) GO FOR IT MIKE! YOU WILL FEEL SO EMPOWERED!

M-  
(MIKE:) OKAY!! I THINK I WILL!! ~SEES A WOMAN ON THE STREET~ HELLO, WOULD YOU LIKE TO ACCOMPANY ME ON A DATE THIS WEEKEND?

K-  
(EDWARD:) *nods encouragingly*

M-  
WOMAN: NO! STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP!!!! ~throws something at him~

K-  
(EDWARD:) IT'S OK MIKE, DO NOT GET DISCOURAGED! I HAVE JUST HAD THE MOST BRILLIANT IDEA!

M-  
(MIKE:) OH, PLEASE TELL ME EDWARD!!! I WOULD MUCH RATHER LISTEN TO YOUR IDEAS THEN GET THINGS THROWN AT ME!

K-  
(EDWARD:) THERE'S THIS WONDERFUL LADY THAT I KNOW WHO IS SINGLE! I SHALL INTRODUCE YOU! OH, JUST YOU WAIT! SHE'S A REAL CATCH, MIKE! A VERY CLASSY WOMAN!


	3. And interview for Mike

**What would we ask our beloved Mike if we could?**

**So me and M were talking, and our conversation (naturally) turned to Mike. We began to realize how little we actually knew about the man who provides me with daily transportation every weekday morning. This brought up the great question: what WOULD we ask Mike if we were given the chance?**

M-  
why was he mad at you now?

K-  
I didn't sit down quick enough he's like NO STANDING ON MY BUS! SIT DOWN, YOUNG LADY!  
I was so tempted to say something you have no idea someday I will have a conversation with that man I will learn of his life struggles and his siblings and I will know his birthday so that on that day i can send him a snuggie it'll be like a poop colored snuggie too and he'll like love it WHY, I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A COLOR! I DO SAY, IT COMPLIMENTS MY NATURAL HAIR COLOR VERY WELL!  
i want to like interview him and film it i wish we had a class we could do that for so we had a legitimate excuse "have you ALWAYS wanted to be a bus driver'  
'what is the most rewarding part of chauffeuring cranky teenagers every day'  
'how do you handle the stressful aspects of dealing with said teenagers'  
really? that is somewhat distressing. tell me mike, do you have a conscience? Or was that not in the job description?'

M-  
in your opinion, how do you think the miserable attitude you portray gets the kids attention?  
Do you yell a lot?

K-  
'what is your opposition to "twist and shout"'?

M-  
Do you have any family? You do? Oh, I sypathzise for them.  
Did you have a terrible experience when you were a little boy that now you are emotionally scarred for life because of the "twist and shout?" Oh? You ripped your pants when you were doing that? When was this? 1859?

K-  
"did you twist and shout when you were beaten up for your lunch money mike? It's okay to cry, mike. these things take time to heal.'

M-  
Why are you crying right now? Is this story correct? Did kids pick on you? Oh? Monkies did too? Hmm.. Even your parents?? They called you what now!? A butt ugly monkey boy?

K-  
"tell us more about your parents. did they dress you up like a girl when you were little? Were they really so unaccepting of you"  
"why, yes, I do agree. That IS unacceptabe"

M-  
Why WERE they so unaccpetable though? Oh, your dad wanted you to be a quarterback and your mom wanted you to have a girlfriend? But you dressed in leotards instead and pranced around like some love struck 14 year old girl?

K-  
Oh, I see. tell me, how did your siblings react to your, shall we say, quirks?

M-  
They called you nasty names? What kind of names? OH, DEAR ME!! They called you a monkey buttwiping pansy? Oh, such hurtful things to say. So hurtful.

K-  
do you think these experiences have made you a stronger person in life?

M-  
They permanently put that frowning face on you and made you so stressed out you turned balled? Oh, so it's all your family's fault? Oh, I'm sorry I didn't hear that, what? Oh and the damn kids? Well, you chose to be a bus driver, Mike. What? It was either be a bus driver or be a hobo? Well, that is kind of late to be not taken as a hobo.


	4. Our dear departed Volvo

**We all miss our stupid shiny volvo. No one has taken this blow harder than Edward. Though the funeral was not in the main story, I felt compelled to write this eulogy anyways. Even though it is short. Poor Edward. He will take all the time he needs to heal, thank you very much. ~K **

Our dear departed volvo will always hold a dear, soggy spot in our still, unbeating hearts.

It's short life was tragically brought to an end after an, er, accident that sent it tumbling off a bridge and into a river to meet it's unfortunate sodden fate.  
The silver paint, the new car smell, the leather interior... It was love at first sight. I will never forget the first time I drove in that volvo. It was fast. Very fast. This was perhaps one of it's finest qualities.

And who could forget, the day that I nearly ran over drunken rapists in the name of justice? My beloved car came through for me that night, something I will never forget.

It was a good car. Faithful. Easy on the gas. An all around perfect example of what we can all strive to be in our own daily lives. Good bye, volvo. You are loved and Missed.

-Edward.


End file.
